my skeletons
I started this post yesterday morning, then got too busy to finish it. Jill came by later in the day and was laughing at the mess in my house (I am so glad she was laughing because she had every right to be mortified!) and she pointed out this photo op for me. I didn't really want to take the picture, but it is definately indicative of how my days are. EVERY day!I am fighting discouragment and frustration over how little I ever get done in a day. I know you all say it is amazing how much I get done with five kids, and I appreciate the compliments! But I feel like nothing ever gets done! My house is always a disaster. My list of things to do is pages long. My craft room calls to me, though someday it will just stop because I never listen! Why can't I finish anything!!
I blame Ethan. I ADORE him, but he is so demanding of my time. If I clean anything, he is there uncleaning it. If I make something, he is unmaking it. If I sit down, he pulls my hand until I stand up... He is happy and cute and I love being with him! But how long can I go without ever accomplishing anything more than playing with Ethan all day? The worst time for me is from 6-9pm. That is when it hits- the day is ending and I have nothing to show for the last 12 hours of being awake. I am a list person and I love to cross things off. But the only thing that gets crossed off anymore is play with Ethan (which I added so I could cross something off!)
In an attempt to feel better about this situation, I am making a list of things I love about Ethan. But if you have any ideas for how to convince my head that those lists don't need to get done, that I can survive in the filth, and that everything else can wait- I'd appreciate them!
{Case in point: in the 15 minutes it took me to type this, Ethan has dumped an entire box of crackers on the floor, climbed on the counter to eat what was left of the caramel shake Jill brought me (thanks Jill!!), broken off the cover to the vaccum bag, and pulled all the cushions off the couch to jump on them while blaring the soundtrack from Curious George which he turned on himself.}
ETHAN...
I love how he smiles with his eyes closed when he thinks something is funny.
I love how he turns his head to the side when coming for a hug.
I love how he smiles from the very core!
I love how he thinks a dog says "mao, mao" followed by panting!
I love his brown eyes.
I love his laugh, it is always deep and real.
I love when he takes my hand.
I love how he "blows" kisses into his hand.
I love that he dances to any song he hears.
I love that he needs me!
posted by jenn | 5/12/2006
7 Comments:
I don't know what to tell you about your lists, but in a few years when he no longer needs or wants you, you'll have some wonderful memories of a little boy who adored his mommy and wanted to spend time with her more than anything else. What a treasure!
I say live in filth...I struggle with that because I can't be nice in filth but the years go so fast!! I miss my kids little... I am trying to prioritize and do the kids first but my house is really showing it! Good luck, I still think you accomplish tons no matter what you say...and if what you do get done is your family and friends then you are succeeding.
When my friend complains of similar thing her husband has a list he runs through with her....did you hold the kids, did you play with them..etc...then that's all that matters.
I love that you took a picture of the naked Barbie man and the mix of cereals on the coffee table. (I still think a great close-up that would make the perfect banner for your blog.)
You are doing great with Ethan, the other 4 kids, the house, your calling, your marriage, your friends, and everything else you do. It's a lot! Ethan and the other kids are your priority so accomplishing lots during the day doesn't have to be the goal. Maybe you should start putting things like this on your list so that you can cross them off.
1. Read with Ethan
2. Hug Ethan and kiss him like crazy
3. Feed many mouths
4. Clean many messes
5. Put the couch cushions back at least 4 times a day.
6. Answer 20 phone calls
7. Countless loads of laundry
8. Shuttle kids all over town
9. Try to live by the Spirit so I can receive revelation on behalf of the ENTIRE PRIMARY ORGANIZATION
10. Feed more mouths
See how much you accomplish in a day??
I really liked Jills ideas. Turn your lists around so they work for you.
Your kids will only be little once, eventually they won't want to run and hug you, cherish you messy house and your wonderful kids. My sister has similar complaints about her 12 yr. daughter, Kirst only want to wear jeans and sweats and put her hair wet in a pony tail, Jenn wonders when she's going to care about how she looks, I told her just you wait a few years and you'll be sad that you can't get her out of the bathroom or stop her from primping. Her two littlest ones we lovingly refer to as destructo (boy) and destructa (girl), what a handful they have been but what a fun journey.
Keep up the good work, I think what you do accomplish is astounding. I can barely keep up with the husband and the dog.
what a great photo!
I honestly don't know how you do it. The thought of adding one more person scares me. I agree with Jill. You accomplish so much with the five you have been blessed with. I know its easier said than done when your walking around your house tripping on things, but recognize just what you are doing. From what I know/hear you are an excellent mother.
Oh Jenn. I feel like this, too, and I only have three kids, so I can only imagine... I love Jill's idea of re-vamping your to-do list. I know you don't feel like you're getting stuff done because you don't get what you WANT to do done. I'm the same way. I haven't been in my scrapbook rooms (other than to deposit more piles) in weeks. It makes me sad. And, my house is nearly always a mess. So, I don't have the answers. But I do know that I will be sad when my kids don't want to snuggle and read with me, or drag me out to the trampoline, or Eva doesn't want me to pick her up and kiss and hug her all day... oh the struggle to find a balance in the life of a mother.
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