ten.

Ten is one of those numbers that just has to be celebrated. We know it's significant very early on, when we are first learning to count-
one.
two.
three...
and then you hear it in our voice and see it on our face... TEN!!

Maybe it is because we have arrived at double digits or maybe it is because it accounts for each of our fingers, but whatever the reason, TEN is something we celebrate. I have celebrated a 10th birthday, a 10th wedding anniversary, a 10 year high school reunion and today I am celebrating another ten-

my dad's 10th round of chemo!

He started chemo back in March and he goes back to the cancer center faithfully every three weeks for another dose of cancer fighting chemicals that we hope and pray will improve and extend his life.

Today, in honor of his 10th dose, I came up with a list of 10 things to celebrate.

1. Cancer.

I know that sounds crazy. And in all honesty, I don't really mean that I want to celebrate the pain and sickness and death that are caused by cancer, but it would be a lie to say that good things haven't come from my dad having cancer.

2. Family.
Cancer, more than any previous trial we've shared, has improved and strengthened our family. I don't know how people survive without their family's love and support- my family is amazing! I hope they have all seen the improvements that I have seen.

It is almost sickening to watch my mom and dad as they hold hands more often and sit closer than they used to and lean their heads together when talking about even the simplest things. And it's beautiful.

I have never doubted that my dad loves me, but I feel closer to him than ever. He says he loves me more often. He tells me what he appreciates about my life and my choices. He does the same for each of my children. Maybe I always was, but I feel like his priority now and that is such a good feeling.

3. Testimony.
I know my Dad's testimony has been strengthened by his experience with cancer because he shares it every time we are together- even if just sitting in the car waiting for my mom to pick up a prescription. But I want him to know that my testimony has been strengthened too- in part by him sharing, but also through my own personal experiences. I prayed for comfort when his diagnosis came in and I received it from caring friends and from the Spirit. I prayed for time to spend with my dad and have been given Arizona, his 65th birthday, Father's Day and next week- a cruise. I have remembered the other trials our family has endured and been reminded that God loves us and helps us in all things.

4. Good Memories.
I have so many good memories of my dad- pony rides on his back... his smile when we kids gave him Jelly Bellies for Christmas... canoeing on Kitsap Lake and now knowing how much of the paddling he was actually doing... laying on his bed while he ate his burrito and watched Perry Mason after a long day at work... birthday shopping trips... father's blessings... going out to eat when he came to visit Ben and I at BYU... the hug I got after graduating from college... seeing him in the circle of men that blessed or confirmed my children... sitting by the headstones of my great-grandparents and hearing how much they meant to him... going through his photo album and learning how much it still hurts to have lost his friend in Vietnam... watching him find time for each of my children while we played in Arizona... holding his hand on his 65th birthday after wondering if he would live to see it.

5. Kleenex.
Sheesh- I thought my dad was the big baby these days! I've actually needed it many times since he was diagnosed and I'm sure I will need it many more so- Hooray for Kleenex!

6. Chemo.
And doctors. And medicines. And knowledge that has eased my dad's pain and kept him here with us. I know there are side effects from his chemo and that my dad feels them more acutely each time, but there has been improvement and respite that have allowed for so many good things to happen.

7. Food.
It's a Sauter thing- food is always on the list.

I remember going to see my dad right before he was diagnosed with cancer and he didn't want to eat more than grapes and ice-cream. Food didn't sound good, taste good or smell good (remember the bathroom turned into a kitchen!!). It made me so grateful that I can eat and enjoy food!

Now my dad is eating more and that is a blessing because chemo affects your appetite and if you can maintain or gain weight, your chances are astronomically better of doing well on the chemo. He has been able to eat and gain weight and that is just another reason to love food!!

8. Education.
Both of my parents graduated from college- education was always important in our home. We continue to get an education through this experience as we learn about types of cancer, types of treatments, and most importantly- the need for early screening.

9. Technology.
I know- usually I am cursing it, but technology is what has allowed me to keep tabs on my dad and know how he is doing. Phone calls, blog posts and emails have carried test results, concerns, lessons learned and lots of love over the many miles between Texas and Utah. When there is so much we don't know, a phone call lets me know at the least- he is still there.

10. My Dad.
I have joked that my dad is not the same. You know- since he got cancer. A short tempered work-a-holic who is intolerant of stupidity- that is the dad of legend among our family and friends. Not this weepy guy that says how grateful he is for my mother and doesn't think it is funny when I say that I'm going to beat my kids.

But I've come to the decision that it is not so much my dad as it is me that is not the same since he got cancer. My dad has always been extremely generous. He has had a rock solid testimony of the gospel. He has loved me every day of my life. I am the one who didn't appreciate those things and I am the one who didn't understand how much he meant to me until he got cancer.

I love you Dad.
I'm celebrating today that you are going in for a 10th round of chemo because it means that you are still here- living. fighting. loving. And I'm so happy you are here.