Slow to Anger

Funny Story.
When my Bishop called me to teach Relief Society back in January, he said he wanted to keep me busy until my house actually sold. The next Sunday, when I received the list of lesson topics, I turned to Kelly and jokingly said, "Sorry dear. Looks like we're here until March."

Well, I was here to teach this lesson and my house sold less than two weeks ago. I think it is a pretty good indicator of how much I needed this lesson!

I am not the only one who needed it. I prefaced my lesson with this reminder- The text for our lesson comes from President Gordon B. Hinckley at what would turn out to be his last General Conference before his passing in January. He said, "I realize that [the subject] is a little unusual, but I think it is timely."

I believe he is right and that each of us will benefit from his warning and his council on anger.

Here are some of the things I learned while preparing this lesson:

Anger has many faces.
Some of us are professed 'reds'- hot tempered, easily provoked, apt to yell. (I was frantically raising my hand at this point!) Others are much less verbal or dramatic. But, from just President Hinckley's talk and the scriptures listed under anger in the Topical Guide, I came up with this list, each a form of anger-

anger, bitterness, quarrelsome, holds a grudge, takes offense, finds fault, criticizes, impulsive, condemning, resentment, accusation, annoyance, hate, rebels, stiffnecked, indignant, contentious, provoke/provoked, frustration, revenge, hostile, antagonizing.

Are you angrier than you thought?
President Hinckley said, "Anger is the mother of a whole brood of evil actions," and "it is when we become angry that we get into trouble."

He mentioned the road rage that affects our highways and the inmates who fill our prisons, who "did something when they were angry. In their wrath they swore, they lost control of themselves, and terrible things followed."

I may not be on the road to prison, but terrible things have certainly followed as I have let my anger loose on my husband and my children.

There is always an alternative to anger.
It was amazing to me, within the same talk and scriptures that provided the list of ways to show anger, there were exactly the same number of ways to control, avoid and curb our anger-

restraint, kindness, love, happiness, peace, appreciation, friendship, smile, respect, patience, humility, calm, forgiveness, control, sober, listen, truth, wisdom, reason, endurance, understanding, charity.

Anger is 100% selfish.
As I looked at my lists, thought about the times I reacted with anger, and read the stories President Hinckley shared, I realized that anger is always about ourself-

She is wrong, I am right.
My way was better.
I deserve that more.
He meant to hurt me...

I asked the sisters in my class to write down something that had made them mad this week. We put the papers into a pretty bag; we added tissue paper; we tied on a ribbon... Too often, this is what we do with our anger. We dress it up, build it up and make it attractive to ourselves and show it off to others.

President Hinckley said it this way, "So many of us make a great fuss (shaking my pretty bag of anger) of matters of small consequence (holding up a single piece of paper from inside that big, pretty bag)."

Our Heavenly Father does not want us to be angry.
I love this scripture-

For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.
Behold, this is not my doctrine, to stir up the hearts of men with anger, one against another; but this is my doctrine, that such things should be done away. (3 Nephi 11: 29-30)

I tried really hard this month, as I prepared to teach this lesson, to "Let It Go." I found that it was just that easy. Our Heavenly Father really doesn't want us to be angry and if we will give our frustration and resentment to the Lord, He will replace it with forgiveness and joy. Satan is not afraid of work. He works hard to stir our hearts to anger. We must not be afraid of work either and we must work every day to avoid those contentious feelings that will lead to "terrible things."

My favorite quote not found in Pres. Hinckley's talk.
It came from Brigham Young. He said, "The thousands and tens of thousands of incidents that make up the sum of human lives, whether for good or evil, depend on a momentary watchfulness and care."

If you remember, 'moment' was a possibility for my word for the year. This quote goes along with my reasoning- in each and every moment, we have a choice to make. In each moment, we must be careful so that we react with charity instead of anger and those small choices will amount to the sum of a wonderful and blessed human life.

President Hinckley made this plea and promise:
I plead with you to control your tempers, to put a smile upon your faces, which will erase anger; speak out with words of love and peace, appreciation, and respect. If you will do this,

• your lives will be without regret.
• Your marriages and family relationships will be preserved.
• You will be much happier.
• You will do greater good.
• You will feel a sense of peace that will be wonderful.

I think it is an amazing and powerful promise. I want to enjoy those blessings, so I am going to continue to work at filling my heart with love and kindness, at showing appreciation, and at reacting with charity instead of anger. My experiences this month have taught me that it is possible and that when it seems hard, the Lord will help me to let it go. How grateful I am for the wise words of a prophet of God.